Post 2 Destined for Dignity

Last week I introduced the topic of shame as a hindrance to peak performance. This week I will discuss some sources of shame and how this self-conscious emotion can be used as a tool to improve your performance.

The self-conscious emotions include shame, guilt, embarrassment, pride and others. They are called self-conscious emotions because you must possess a degree of self-awareness to experience them and they directly relate to how you feel about your ‘self.’ You also need a concept of a standard against which you measure your behavior to judge success and failure. Your personal goals, your social group’s norms, and cultural expectations are examples of a standard you might use. When you violate any of these standards you might experience the emotion of shame.

You need to ask yourself what standard you are using when you experience feelings of shame and remember that often your response is directly related to your interpretation of your behavior in the context of this standard. Different people will use different standards; therefore you can rest assured that no fixed standard represents universal success or failure. This frees you to reinterpret your experience and leverage it for personal change.

First, you must determine if you are judging yourself or your behavior. Once you determine that your behavior is what is in question, you must decide if the cause is internal or external. If you attribute the cause to external sources you will likely decide that you don’t deserve to feel shamed and will release the sense of shame.

But, if you determine that you are responsible for your behavior you can leverage your experience as a self-regulating opportunity. You have identified the problem behavior, you have identified the standard it violates, now identify your ideal behavior instead and how it meets the demands of the standard you are using. Set this behavior as a goal, describe what you will be doing when you behave in this new fashion, write five small steps that you can take this week that will demonstrate the new behavior, and then do it!

Walk with dignity into your new behavior knowing you are changing yourself and moving toward peak performance.

Next week: Dignity

Further Reading:
Lewis, M. (1998). Self-conscious Emotions. Retrieved February 25, 2010, from Health Line: http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/self-conscious-emotions

Keltner, D., & Beer, J. (2005). Self-Conscious Emotion and Self-Regulation. On building, defending and regulating the self: A psychological perspective (pp. 197-215). New York, NY US: Psychology Press.