Recently, I visited my aging grandmother who is in the care of her children. No longer able to provide for herself or tend to her own daily needs, she is dependent on the care of others. From her meals to her personal care she has relinquished her privacy in all areas, 24 hours a day.
And yet, she retains her dignity. Or, perhaps, dignity is given to her by those caring for her. Yes, it is both.
Now here's a twist: My grandmother had 13 children and the ones caring for her all treat her with respect and dignity. Some even travel across the continent or around the globe to take their turn 'sitting' with her.
It takes the willing cooperation of all parties to sustain dignity is this case.
And that is the message of this story: You must be willing to receive dignity and others should be willing to offer you dignity. My grandmother does not have much choice in her situation and is blessed to be surrounded by children and grandchildren who offer her respect and dignity. But, probably you do have some choices regarding who you allow to influence your state of dignity.
If you have people in your life who compromise you sense of dignity, then perhaps you should evaluate allowing those people the influence you have granted to them. In the same way that you receive dignity from others, you can also receive shame from others.
This is a choice you often make without considering the power of your choice to change the situation for something better.
Choose to receive dignity.
Michelle
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Dignity
This week: Personal Dignity
Personal dignity is:
Inherent, but not always embraced
Available, but not always appropriated
A form of respect and value
A quality
A form of conduct toward self and others
When you own your personal dignity you:
Raise your standard
Change your comparison
Improve your view of self
Find support for your needs
Respect where you are in life
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Personal dignity is:
Inherent, but not always embraced
Available, but not always appropriated
A form of respect and value
A quality
A form of conduct toward self and others
When you own your personal dignity you:
Raise your standard
Change your comparison
Improve your view of self
Find support for your needs
Respect where you are in life
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Post 2 Destined for Dignity
Last week I introduced the topic of shame as a hindrance to peak performance. This week I will discuss some sources of shame and how this self-conscious emotion can be used as a tool to improve your performance.
The self-conscious emotions include shame, guilt, embarrassment, pride and others. They are called self-conscious emotions because you must possess a degree of self-awareness to experience them and they directly relate to how you feel about your ‘self.’ You also need a concept of a standard against which you measure your behavior to judge success and failure. Your personal goals, your social group’s norms, and cultural expectations are examples of a standard you might use. When you violate any of these standards you might experience the emotion of shame.
You need to ask yourself what standard you are using when you experience feelings of shame and remember that often your response is directly related to your interpretation of your behavior in the context of this standard. Different people will use different standards; therefore you can rest assured that no fixed standard represents universal success or failure. This frees you to reinterpret your experience and leverage it for personal change.
First, you must determine if you are judging yourself or your behavior. Once you determine that your behavior is what is in question, you must decide if the cause is internal or external. If you attribute the cause to external sources you will likely decide that you don’t deserve to feel shamed and will release the sense of shame.
But, if you determine that you are responsible for your behavior you can leverage your experience as a self-regulating opportunity. You have identified the problem behavior, you have identified the standard it violates, now identify your ideal behavior instead and how it meets the demands of the standard you are using. Set this behavior as a goal, describe what you will be doing when you behave in this new fashion, write five small steps that you can take this week that will demonstrate the new behavior, and then do it!
Walk with dignity into your new behavior knowing you are changing yourself and moving toward peak performance.
Next week: Dignity
Further Reading:
Lewis, M. (1998). Self-conscious Emotions. Retrieved February 25, 2010, from Health Line: http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/self-conscious-emotions
Keltner, D., & Beer, J. (2005). Self-Conscious Emotion and Self-Regulation. On building, defending and regulating the self: A psychological perspective (pp. 197-215). New York, NY US: Psychology Press.
The self-conscious emotions include shame, guilt, embarrassment, pride and others. They are called self-conscious emotions because you must possess a degree of self-awareness to experience them and they directly relate to how you feel about your ‘self.’ You also need a concept of a standard against which you measure your behavior to judge success and failure. Your personal goals, your social group’s norms, and cultural expectations are examples of a standard you might use. When you violate any of these standards you might experience the emotion of shame.
You need to ask yourself what standard you are using when you experience feelings of shame and remember that often your response is directly related to your interpretation of your behavior in the context of this standard. Different people will use different standards; therefore you can rest assured that no fixed standard represents universal success or failure. This frees you to reinterpret your experience and leverage it for personal change.
First, you must determine if you are judging yourself or your behavior. Once you determine that your behavior is what is in question, you must decide if the cause is internal or external. If you attribute the cause to external sources you will likely decide that you don’t deserve to feel shamed and will release the sense of shame.
But, if you determine that you are responsible for your behavior you can leverage your experience as a self-regulating opportunity. You have identified the problem behavior, you have identified the standard it violates, now identify your ideal behavior instead and how it meets the demands of the standard you are using. Set this behavior as a goal, describe what you will be doing when you behave in this new fashion, write five small steps that you can take this week that will demonstrate the new behavior, and then do it!
Walk with dignity into your new behavior knowing you are changing yourself and moving toward peak performance.
Next week: Dignity
Further Reading:
Lewis, M. (1998). Self-conscious Emotions. Retrieved February 25, 2010, from Health Line: http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/self-conscious-emotions
Keltner, D., & Beer, J. (2005). Self-Conscious Emotion and Self-Regulation. On building, defending and regulating the self: A psychological perspective (pp. 197-215). New York, NY US: Psychology Press.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Destined for Dignity
When we violate our values, rules, goals, or standards we dishonor our sense of self and risk setting ourselves up for feelings of guilt and shame. How we interpret these violations and the events surrounding them determines whether we become burdened with a sense of shame or overcome the experience and embrace a state of dignity—the opposite of shame. Over the next nine weeks I will explore this issue of overcoming shame to walk in dignity. Once each week I will post research, thoughts, tools, tips and links that I think will be useful to everyone Destined for Dignity.
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